Wow, It's been TWO Years.

It's been two years and there have been big and small changes.

My weight has fluctuated up and and down.  As low as 460 and as high as 512.

Right now, I hover around 485.

But two months ago, I received devastating news. It started with the small symptoms. I felt light headed, and ran a slight fever so I stayed home from work.  When my wife came home, she said that I looked a little out of it and that if I didn't feel better by tomorrow I have to go see a doctor.

Being a dutiful Husband, I did as I was told.  After spending a few hours at the clinic, I was diagnosed as a Diabetic.

The news was devastating to me and put me in a mental fog for over a month.  During the first couple of weeks, I spent all of my free time on the internet reading article, after article, after article, after article....

It didn't feel like a death sentence, but I knew that I had to make changes in my life in order to avoid the side effects that range from minor to major.

Now, my journey has gained even more importance.

It's truly time to make lasting changes for my sake and the sake of the people who love me.


David

Starting Again with MY Doctor's Help

I went to my doctor to get help with my weight loss almost four weeks ago.

My starting weight was 509 lbs.

People are always surprised when they find out how much I weigh.  They expect a man over 400 lbs to be bed ridden or riding around in one of those chairs.

They say "No way you do weigh that much.  You move to well."  Next question " Did you play football?". " Man, if I was your size I'd be in the NFL."

Back to my weight loss.

My doctor has instructed me to change my diet to be a "seafood vegetarian".  Start off the day with a bowl of oatmeal.  No pasta, no bread for 30 days.  Eat chicken rarely.  Replace sugar with a natural sweetner.  Eat red meat very rarely.  Eat seafood for most of my dinner meals.

Without increasing my activity level, I have done very well with the changes.

New Year, New Beginning

Benita was very strong for her family after the passing of her father.  I think she and her mother have dealt very well with the situation. 

I believe that Benita drew upon the memory of her father being there for her at our wedding for strength.  I think her mother was ready to let go so that Mr. Kimbrough's suffering would end.

The holidays were up and down for me.  The memories of my mother were very strong during this time.  We are coming up on 1 year since she has been gone (1/12/12).

So I will draw strength from my mother as I start my diet today.  Protein shake for lunch.

And it begins...


David

Motivation

I am having a problem with motivating myself.

Ever since the funeral for Benita's father, I have been in a type of fog.

Although I can turn on and off my dazzling smile and charm, when I am alone I find myself just zoning out for periods of time.

I had similar zone outs when my mother passed away.  Thank goodness it is not as profound as that, it just a little disconcerting.

Right now my biggest job is to be there for Benita.  To be her rock.  To be that soft landing when she falls.  To brush off the dirt and help her back to her feet.

My hope is that getting back to our regular routines will help get us back on track.

Patience and perseverance is the name of the game.


David

Life and Death

You always revere life more, when death is close to you.

Benita's father passed away 2 days ago after a long battle with illness. 

I think that she has surprised herself on how strong she has become in order to support her mother.

Benita would have been characterized as the possible hysterical one, but like when my mother passed away, she is a rock.

She is in NJ right now and I miss my wife very much.

I will need to be there for her over the next several months.  Although she is being strong now, I know that the waves of grief will come and go at unexpected times.

Now I just need to find the strength to visit my mother's grave.....it's over do.

It's almost been a year since my mother has passed away and yet I tear up just thinking about visiting her.  Wow.

Changes

Yesterday, I got a new boss.

Let me start at the beginning. I had been working at Jones Lang LaSalle for 7 & 1/2 years.  Most of that time I was happy, even with my very long commute.

I live in Randallstown, Md and I worked in Tysons Corner, VA.  My one way commute ranged from 90 minutes to 3 hours depending on the traffic and weather.

The past year, I had felt stagnant at my job and my upward mobility seemed to be a distant promise.  The harder I worked, the more work I was given.

That sort of thing does not give you the motivation to give it your all.  I felt disrespected and unappreciated.

In September, I started a new job at a new company.  The new position is a promotion and is much closer to home.

Now my wife is much happier because we can actually have dinner together now.

About 2 weeks into my new job, my new boss quits without any notice.

I am now doing the job for 2 people, learning 2 new systems at the same time.  My regional supervisor is very supportive, but just doesn't have the time to really help very much in the day to day stuff.

Even though, I am working hard, it is still a much lower stress level than the previous job.

Now that I have more free time, I need to schedule some type of exercising to really help with my weight loss.

Later,

David

Thanksgiving in New Jersey

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will be spending it in NJ with my wife's family.

I don't feel any anxiety about Thanksgiving, as far as overeating, because I usually don't pig out in public.

I reserve my overeating for when I am alone.  That way you don't feel the stares of people as you gorge on your food.

People may or may not be aware of it, but when you eat fast food or any high calorie food in public some people just can't help but make a disgusted look on their face.

I call it the "how dare you eat that face".  In their mind, since I am big, I don't have any self control and that is why I am fat. 

If I just put down that ice cream and grab a carrot instead, than I can lose the weight.

I wish it was that easy.

Luckily, I don't have a sweet tooth,  so I don't have to battle that demon. 

I would have to say my biggest battle is portion control.  Learning again to be satisfied with less.  Not eating so much that I feel that my stomach will burst like a balloon.

I know I can do it.  I just have to train my eyes and brain.  I also need to elicit the help of my wife.

Benita is always worrying about if I have had enough to eat. That is a struggle, that I have to battle with her about sometimes.

I chose a woman who wants me to be happy.   Poor me.  :)


David