Motivation

I am having a problem with motivating myself.

Ever since the funeral for Benita's father, I have been in a type of fog.

Although I can turn on and off my dazzling smile and charm, when I am alone I find myself just zoning out for periods of time.

I had similar zone outs when my mother passed away.  Thank goodness it is not as profound as that, it just a little disconcerting.

Right now my biggest job is to be there for Benita.  To be her rock.  To be that soft landing when she falls.  To brush off the dirt and help her back to her feet.

My hope is that getting back to our regular routines will help get us back on track.

Patience and perseverance is the name of the game.


David

Life and Death

You always revere life more, when death is close to you.

Benita's father passed away 2 days ago after a long battle with illness. 

I think that she has surprised herself on how strong she has become in order to support her mother.

Benita would have been characterized as the possible hysterical one, but like when my mother passed away, she is a rock.

She is in NJ right now and I miss my wife very much.

I will need to be there for her over the next several months.  Although she is being strong now, I know that the waves of grief will come and go at unexpected times.

Now I just need to find the strength to visit my mother's grave.....it's over do.

It's almost been a year since my mother has passed away and yet I tear up just thinking about visiting her.  Wow.

Changes

Yesterday, I got a new boss.

Let me start at the beginning. I had been working at Jones Lang LaSalle for 7 & 1/2 years.  Most of that time I was happy, even with my very long commute.

I live in Randallstown, Md and I worked in Tysons Corner, VA.  My one way commute ranged from 90 minutes to 3 hours depending on the traffic and weather.

The past year, I had felt stagnant at my job and my upward mobility seemed to be a distant promise.  The harder I worked, the more work I was given.

That sort of thing does not give you the motivation to give it your all.  I felt disrespected and unappreciated.

In September, I started a new job at a new company.  The new position is a promotion and is much closer to home.

Now my wife is much happier because we can actually have dinner together now.

About 2 weeks into my new job, my new boss quits without any notice.

I am now doing the job for 2 people, learning 2 new systems at the same time.  My regional supervisor is very supportive, but just doesn't have the time to really help very much in the day to day stuff.

Even though, I am working hard, it is still a much lower stress level than the previous job.

Now that I have more free time, I need to schedule some type of exercising to really help with my weight loss.

Later,

David

Thanksgiving in New Jersey

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will be spending it in NJ with my wife's family.

I don't feel any anxiety about Thanksgiving, as far as overeating, because I usually don't pig out in public.

I reserve my overeating for when I am alone.  That way you don't feel the stares of people as you gorge on your food.

People may or may not be aware of it, but when you eat fast food or any high calorie food in public some people just can't help but make a disgusted look on their face.

I call it the "how dare you eat that face".  In their mind, since I am big, I don't have any self control and that is why I am fat. 

If I just put down that ice cream and grab a carrot instead, than I can lose the weight.

I wish it was that easy.

Luckily, I don't have a sweet tooth,  so I don't have to battle that demon. 

I would have to say my biggest battle is portion control.  Learning again to be satisfied with less.  Not eating so much that I feel that my stomach will burst like a balloon.

I know I can do it.  I just have to train my eyes and brain.  I also need to elicit the help of my wife.

Benita is always worrying about if I have had enough to eat. That is a struggle, that I have to battle with her about sometimes.

I chose a woman who wants me to be happy.   Poor me.  :)


David

Small Steps

Big changes begin with small steps.

I am increasing my daily activity without any formal exercising yet. 

During the day, I walk a few flights of stairs once or twice a day.  In the evening and on the weekend, I have started using my new Wii game console to get me sweating a little.

I am really enjoying the tennis and ping pong games.  These are activities that I was good at in real life and hopefully will get back to doing sooner than later.

Although it has not yielded any real weight loss, I need to stay strong and remind myself that I am changing the course of a very big boat and that takes effort and time.

Soon I will incorporate regular exercises at home also.

Again, it's small steps. 

And small victories. Like being able to do some light grocery shopping without feeling that my legs are burning and sweat is pouring down my forehead. 

When I am exercising, I love to sweat.  When I am doing everyday activities, I hate to sweat becuase of the uncomfortable looks people give me. 

You try to ignore it, but I really don't like making other people uncomfortable in public situations.



David

Memories

As the holiday season gets closer, I am thinking more and more about my Mom.

My Mother passed away on January 12, 2012.  It was not totally unexpected, she had been battling heart problems and other things for the last 10-12 years.

She lived a long and happy life with her faithful companion, my Dad.  The dynamic duo. 

This year would have been their 54th anniversary.  She was 86 when she passed away.  My Dad is 84 and plays tennis, his second love, several times a week.

I am forever thankful for the wonderful things that she gave me: 

• Quick wit. 
• Bright smile. 
• Questioning brain. 
• Big capacity for Love and Empathy. 
• Rock solid foundation in God.

Unexpected or not, her death hit me like an Avalanche or Tsunami.

I know that I very lucky to have grown up under the protective umbrella of a loving marriage, with a mom and dad, my whole life.

No matter the color of your skin, it is very rare these days.

I love you Mom.  I promise to sum up the courage to visit your grave site soon. 

It still hurts too much right now.  I am tearing up just writing this blog.


David

Happy Birthday

I have stated before that I am an emotional eater.

Not only do I over eat when I am mad or sad, but also when I'm happy.

"It's okay though because I'm just giving myself a little treat.  Right??"

Like an alcoholic, it's not the one meal(or drink) that is the problem.  It's the next six (6) or more meals that put you over the edge.

"I already over ate this morning, so today is shot.  I'll have fun eating today and start over tomorrow."  Wrong!!

If you over eat at this meal, eat healthier at your next meal.

This weekend was my birthday and I over did it a little.  I will weigh myself tomorrow morning to see how much damage is done.  Hopefully, it's not too bad.  Unfortunately, due to my size, my body is very efficient in converting calories into fat.

I thank my wife for giving me a Wii system, so that I can be more active and I can reduce my excuses for not exercising.

I am really enjoying the tennis game.  Seeing a little sweat.


Later,


David

It's a Partnership

When you are married or in a serious relationship, it is important that your significant other is supportive in your efforts in losing weight.

Their suppport is most critical on the days that your are most vulnerable and you are weak. 

It's easy to say no to the second portions or the yummy fried foods when you are happy and strong.

But when you have had a bad day, a long day at work, your boss was being an extra special ass today, the kids just won't stay still or quiet today or "just cause you wanna" day; those are the times when your partner's support is needed.

It's those small victories that give you the strength to say no the next time you are weak.

Speak to your partner.  Show them by your actions that you are serious.

Let them know what triggers your bad eating habits, so that they can be there for you. 

Your good health benefits the both of you.  When you feel and look better, it's easier to have a happy, healthy and long relationship with the person you love.

Love ya,

David

Starting.. Stumble....Get Back Up

Last week, Hurricane Sandy scared all of the East Coast days before it's arrival.

Like a lot of people, I am an emotional eater.  Physically and mentally, your body reacts to high stress.

I am worrying about my family in Baltimore and my wife's (Benita) family in New Jersey.  During that time before, during and after the storm it is very hard to stick to a healthy eating schedule.

Beforre and during the storm I would give myself a C+.  I didn't totally throw away my good habits, but I can say that the amount of food consumed was not condusive to losing weight.

We were lucky in Baltimore, we did not suffer too much other than losing a tree in the front yard.  Benita's family was not as lucky.  It has been just over a week and they still do not have electric.

They are in our daily prayers to get relief soon.

I have gotten back up and have resumed my healthy eating schedule.  I am taking small steps in the exercise department, by walking a few flights of stairs at work to get my body back on the road to my former athletic self.

There are many days that I think back on the athletic fun things that I used to do and I kick myself mentally.  I ask myself " how the hell did I let myself get so out of shape".

"Stay strong David.  Self pity does not help you reach your goal."

Until the next time,

David

Election Day

Today we elect a new President.  I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Okay enough politics.

With my new start , I am looking to be sensible and make small changes that will make a big impact over time:

• Eating 3 meals a day
• have healthy (possibly high protein) mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks
• incorporate protein shakes for low calorie meal replacements
• stick to one serving per meal (no seconds)
• limit my cheat meals to once or twice per week
• don't beat myself up if I am not perfect today (it's a marathon, not a sprint)

A saying that I read years ago has stuck my head as a good plan for success.  "Your goal is to have 90% of your meals be healthy"

So in a week of 21 meals, I am shooting for 19 healthy meals.

Only God is perfect.

Stay strong,

David

Starting Over Again........

It has been over a year since my last post and I have gone through a lot of changes (good and bad).

The one constant.....my weight.

I start again on my journey with a renewed vigor. 

I will talk about the reasons behind my rebirth in later posts because I don't want my first post to be a long boring dissertation of facts.

Stay tuned for the man who begins his journey again with the goal of longevity with his new bride.

David